


I'll Be Home For Christmas

by Libstar



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 15:40:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8806639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Libstar/pseuds/Libstar
Summary: Total AU where it's only ever been Bernie and Serena with added tiny Cam.





	

Serena checked the door one final time, turned out the hall light and, after taking one last, longing look at the still lit Christmas tree, made her way up the stairs. She had stayed up for as long as her tired eyes would let her but the third time she woke herself up as her head dropped forward she decided to call it a night. It was almost midnight and she knew that Cameron would be awake before the sun was up and from that point on she wouldn’t stop all day, she would regret staying up even that late so she dragged herself up stairs, checked in on her son and fell into bed. She tried to ignore the emptiness, the cold, hugging the pillow from the other side of the bed against her chest and burying her face in it. She didn’t want to cry, she’d done her crying over the past weeks and months but it was Christmas Eve and she found herself unable to stop. As the tears poured out of her she pulled every image, every memory, of her beautiful blonde army medic in to her minds eye and tried to hold on to the fact that, even if it wasn’t the next day, Bernie would be home soon.

She had known the day that Bernie promised that she would make it home for Christmas that she shouldn’t get her hopes up, that the likelihood of it actually happening was slim regardless of how much hope she had been able to see in Bernie’s face over the iffy skype connection. But despite that knowledge she _had_ allowed herself to hope, she had allowed herself to get excited with Cameron earlier that night when they had been setting out the milk and cookie for Santa, even though, in the back of her mind, she was mulling over how she was going to console the boy the following morning when Santa had delivered his presents but not his mum.

It took her far longer to fall asleep than she had hoped and even once she had succumbed it was far from restful, her dreams plagued with visions of Bernie just out of reach, invisible forces keeping them apart. She loved her wife but on nights like that she wondered how much longer she could go on living as an army wife, feeling like an army widow.

                                                                

Bernie shouldered her way through the door and dropped her pack as quietly as possible just inside, falling back against the door as it snicked closed behind her. The house was silent, not that she had expected anything less given how late, or early, it was. Seeing the tree lights blinking through the curtains had brought a lump to her throat and she moved towards the living room, taking in the decorations all topped off with her families promise to keep the lights on until she came home. She smiled at the milk and cookies laid out on the table beside the tree, draining the glass and then eating one and a half of the cookies, making sure to leave crumbs, grinning as she ate because they were her favourites. Moving back to her pack she pulled several bags and slid their content under the tree, they were little things bought in duty free at the airport or picked up around the base before she left and nowhere close to what her family deserved but for now they would do and on Boxing Day she would thoroughly spoil both of them.

Not wanting to wake anyone too early she shoved her boots off her feet and curled in the corner of the sofa content to watch the twinkling lights and bask in the warmth of just being home, the knowledge that she would never have to leave again, she supposed that would be the best Christmas present she could give her family, herself, home for good.

 

“Mummy’s home, mummy’s home, mummy’s home!” Serena rolled over with a groan, straightening herself out from where she had been curled around Bernie’s pillow and grabbed at her son who was bouncing up and down beside her without really opening her eyes. She could already tell that it was too early to be awake, even if it was Christmas day and she wanted to hold onto the last vestiges of sleep for as long as she could.

“Come here my little soldier,” she murmured, tucking the almost vibrating boy into her arms and kissing the crown of his head,

“But mummy’s home! We need to go and find her.”

“Sweetheart, I don’t think she’s here yet,” she said gently, her heart breaking, and for a moment she hated Bernie for making their son a promise that she couldn’t keep and leaving her to pick up the pieces, to break their sons heart.

“She is mum, her pack’s downstairs.” The boy said matter of fact, and Serena tried to quash the spark of hope which ignited in her chest, if Bernie had come home she would have heard her, she would be in bed beside her.

“And how, prey tell, do you know that it’s downstairs?” she asked, tickling her fingers over his stomach, “Has someone been peeking?”

“It’s right by the door,” he pouted, he knew he was caught, “I only went down a few steps, I promise. I just wanted to know if Santa had been.”

“And has he been?” she asked with a chuckle, wanting to stay there for as long as she could, her and Cam both able to believe that when they got downstairs Bernie would be there, wanting to hold on to that hope,

“If mummy’s home he must have been. She’s all I wanted for Christmas mum.” She’d know that but knowing and hearing were too different things and she had to blink away the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes. With every present she’d bought and wrapped and put under the tree she had known that none of them would matter if Bernie wasn’t there with Cameron when he opened them. “Can we go downstairs? Pleaseeeeeee?”

“Go and put your dressing gown and slippers on then come straight back here, no more peaking.” She said gently, kissing his head once again before letting him go. Pushing herself upright she scrubbed at her face and tried to breathe, there was still a chance that Cameron had simply seen what her _wanted_ to see, it was still dark after all, all it would take would be a large shadow in the hall and the belief that his mummy wouldn’t let him down to manifest a pack at the bottom of the stairs. Climbing out of bed, she wrapped herself in Bernie’s well-worn grey hoody, taking comfort from the familiarity of it and steeled herself for what was to come, tears no doubt, hers and her sons and a day, not as joyful as it should be.

She met Cameron at her bedroom door and hoisted him onto her hip.

“Merry Christmas Mum.” He said, pressing a messy kiss to her cheek,

“Merry Christmas sweetheart,” she smiled, buffing their noses against each other, “Lets go and see if Santa has been.” It suddenly occurred to her that she hadn’t dealt with the milk and cookies they had laid out the night before but knew that would be an easier lie to tell than giving a reason why Bernie wasn’t waiting for them.

She wasn’t surprised but still disappointed, when they passed the front door and there was no sign of Bernie’s tour pack and she hugged Cameron closer to her, stealing herself for the searching and then the tears. It was lucky really, that she had firmed her grip on him, because if she hadn’t what happened next could have ended with much worse than a bruised backside.

                                                                        

Bernie was woken with a start, the crash and screech waking her to full attention in seconds flat. Falling asleep hadn’t been the plan and she could feel the tension in her neck from the awkward angle but her family where a much more pressing issue. Cameron was sprawled on the floor pouting and Serena was staring between them, her eyes wide and shining with tears.

“Mum you dropped me!” Cameron pouted and his exclamation drew Serena’s attention and she swept him up in her arms again peppering his face with kisses, murmuring her apologies over and over again. Bernie allowed the moment, giving her wife the opportunity to compose herself, her own heart breaking at the fact Serena clearly hadn’t been expecting to see her.

“Hi,” she said eventually, pushing herself to her feet and moving towards the pair, “Merry Christmas.”

“Mummy!” Cameron grinned and threw himself into her arms, she scooped him up effortlessly and held him at arm’s length, checking him over before pulling him in close and holding him tight,

“You’ve gotten so big,” she gushed and it was true, he’d grown several inches since she had last seen him in person and his mop of dark hair seemed to have gone through a sudden growth spurt, “Have you been a good girl for mum?”

“Of course!” he puffed his chest out proudly and her smile widened, “The best, that’s why Santa brought my best present.”

“And what’s that?”

“You silly,” he giggled, “Told you she was home mum.”

“I know you did,” Serena offered and Bernie tried to ignore the fact that her wife couldn’t meet her eyes, “I’m sorry I doubted you, now are you ready for some more presents? It looks like Santa thinks you have been a very good boy indeed.”

 

She hated herself for doing it but Serena made herself keep her distance from Bernie while they watched Cam open his gifts, not trusting her reaction if she allowed herself to fully absorb the fact that the blonde had made it home. It was the same every time, the relief of seeing her standing in their living room unharmed was overwhelming and she knew the minute she allowed herself to touch her she would break down. Cameron deserved the happiest of Christmases and her getting on a crying jag wasn’t going to help that. She just hoped Bernie understood.

They pulled the cushions down from the sofa and sat round the base of the tree, Cameron bracketed between his mother’s as they each took turns handing them presents. It was the first Christmas Day the Cameron would remember them spending altogether, the last few years finding Bernie in the middle of tour and nowhere near being home and Serena made sure to take the chance to take some photos on her phone, stopping the present giving mid way through to squash all of their faces into one selfie. Cam was thrilled with his gifts as she knew he would be but it definitely helped having Bernie there with them and by the time he had finished opening everything Serena could tell that his brain was about to explode trying to work out which toy he wanted to play with first.

“Wait there one minute little soldier,” Bernie said, grabbing him by the ankles as he tried to move away to start playing, “Santa gave me some special things to give you when he dropped me off.” Serena couldn’t help but smile at the look of awe on their sons faces, chuckling when he scrambled into the blondes lap and bounced slightly where he sat. Bernie pulled a smaller stack of gifts from her side of the tree and left them in front of Cam who quickly began to tear into them, his excitement only growing as he unearthed a set of t-shirts that matched Bernie’s fatigues a camo cap and finally a medal which she knew was a replica of one which Bernie had won during her first tour. She snapped another picture when he turned round, cap haphazardly on his head and chest puffed out to show off the medal that Bernie had pinned onto his dressing gown.

“Can I open my toys now?”

“One toy before breakfast,” Serena compromised her smile only growing when she got a tiny salute and ‘yes ma’am’ before he turned to throw himself into searching for the perfect toy to open and she pushed herself to her feet, heading in the direction of the kitchen to make a start on breakfast.

 

Bernie watched Cameron play for a little while, making sure he had picked a toy he wouldn’t need any help assembling before she moved to follow Serena.

“Go give mum a hug mummy, she’s really missed you.” Cameron said, looking up under the peak of his cap, “I don’t want her to cry anymore.”

“Me either,” Bernie sighed, bending down to kiss the top of his head, “We’ll just be next door if you need us ok. I’ll come and get you when breakfast is ready.”

She stopped in the doorway and watched Serena for a few moments, drinking her in, she’d lost weight and she looked tired but Bernie knew that there would never be a time that she didn’t find her beautiful and she was home now, she could make sure she got enough sleep, carry the burdens that she had left Serena carrying alone for too long.

“Serena,” she said quietly, moving further into the room and watching with a broken heart as Serena turned to face her, her arms wrapped tightly across her stomach as if she was holding herself together, “Hey,”

“Hey,” Serena offered with a wobbly smile and Bernie closed the space between them in three long strides, pulling her wife into her arms and pressing her face into her hair,

“I’m home,” she murmured, “I’m home darling.” She allowed the brunette to fall apart in her arms, sobs shaking her frame and tears soaking quickly through Bernie’s t-shirt. If she hadn’t known she had made the right decision before, holding her wife in her arms while she broke apart was the only confirmation she needed, “I’m home and I’m not leaving again.”

“You can’t say that,” Serena rasped and Bernie pulled her tighter, cradled her head against her chest                            

“I can because it’s true, that was my last tour. I’m not just home for Christmas, I’m home for good this time.”

 

Serena could barely process what she was being told, could barely believe what her wife was saying. Home. For good. Could that really be what Bernie was saying to her?

“I can hear those cogs ticking, stop over thinking, just listen to what I’m saying and believe me. I’m home, for good, you’re going to have to start putting up with me darling.” The noise that escaped her then was something between an hysterical laugh and a sob. She pulled away so she could look at the other woman and smiled, she probably looked a bit manic, tears streaming down her face alongside her grin.

“You’re serious?”

“Of course I’m serious,” Bernie pressed their foreheads together and smiled, “Why would I joke about something like that?”

“Because you always joke about the serious things.”

“Mum, mummy, I’m hungry.” She wiped her face and pressed a kiss to Bernie’s waiting mouth before Cameron appeared looking up at them both, having to hold the too big cap on his head so it didn’t hit the floor, “I said no more tears mummy.” He pouted and Serena bent down to scoop him up,

“These are good tears sweetheart,” she smiled, moving into Bernie’s waiting arms with her precious cargo, “Mummy just told me some very good news.”

“Yeah Cam, I’m not going away anymore, I’ll always be home now, not more trips.”

“Really?” Serena almost lost her grip on the boy as he flung himself round to face Bernie. She knew they would need to talk but for now she was happy to spend the day in this bubble with her family and accept that she would never need to wave Bernie off again, that she would never spend another night crying and unable to sleep because she’d watched too much of the news and hadn’t heard from the blonde for a few days. Bernie was home, she was safe and she was staying, she couldn’t think of a better Christmas present, the only wish she ever made, answered.                                                                                                                                                                    


End file.
